


Ropes & Goats

by QueerCrusader



Series: Sifki Week 2018 [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Religion & Lore, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Blame the weird-ass vikings, Crack, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Mythology - Freeform, One of only very few mythological stories I know so I went with it, Pranks and Practical Jokes, This is a weird one, apologies in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 22:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15253710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueerCrusader/pseuds/QueerCrusader
Summary: Not everyone is as accepting of Sif's warrior training. Luckily, after a frustrating training session, Loki is there to cheer her up. (Only very loosely based on Norse mythology.)Part of Sifki Week 2018.Day 2 - Mythology





	Ropes & Goats

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I'd studied more Norse mythology. As it stands, I know barely anything, except this - Loki did indeed pull this particular prank to cheer someone up. That's all I knew and all I could think of with this prompt, so I rolled with it. Hope you enjoy!

“I promise you this will cheer you up. Come on, Sif. Please?”

Sif rolled her eyes but allowed herself to be dragged along the palace corridors nonetheless, secretly savouring the feeling of Loki’s hand in hers. She was in no mood for games if she were honest; training had been gruelling today, and both the drillmaster as well as half the class had been jeering and poking fun at her. At least two of her classmates had been ogling her when she was thrown into the mud. She’d temporarily blinded them with a well-aimed whack of her training stick across the eyes, but that didn’t change the fact that her skin was still crawling.

Loki hadn’t been there today. He didn’t know how bad it was. He’d been comfortably cooped up in the library, paging through ancient tomes without a care in the world. Like every week though he had been waiting for her afterwards, ready to accompany her to the dining hall and gossiping all the while. But rather than go off on a tangent on the keepers of the ancient texts and their complete lack of trust in him, he’d quickly picked up on Sif’s mood and steered them in a different direction. Sif wasn’t entirely sure where they were headed, but she knew for a fact it wasn’t the dining hall.

“You just need a good prank. You love my pranks, Sif. Right?”

“When did I ever give that impression?” Sif quipped, raising an eyebrow. Loki didn’t let it deter him, keeping pace even as he walked backwards to face her as he spoke. He pressed a hand against his heart dramatically.

“You wound me, Lady! Nay, only last week you admitted to laughing yourself to tears as you watched Volstag –”

“Alright, alright, don’t say it out loud,” Sif laughed. “I don’t think his dignity has recovered quite yet. And I don’t need another reminder of that mental image, no matter how funny it was.”

“Spoilsport,” Loki grinned. “Besides, I don’t think Volstag has any dignity to begin with. But your wish is my command.”

They walked through one of the palace’s smaller doors, and to Sif’s surprise they emerged in the servants’ stables. She blinked against the burning sunset, crawling down behind the reflective rooftops.

“What are we doing here? We’re not pranking a random scullery maid, are we?” Sif knew how Loki’s pranks could pan out; some were, well, not exactly harmless. If they were doing anything, she wanted to prank someone they knew. It always made for a better joke.

But Loki waved her worries away. “Relax,” he told her. “No innocent bystanders shall be harmed.”

That didn’t particularly soothe Sif’s concerns, but she tried to trust her friend at least. They walked into one of the barns, where a herd of different animals stood, calming munching on some hay, waiting to be milked or taken to the block, after which they could be processed for supper. Loki seemed to have his victim already picked out, for he headed straight for one of the older bucks, his horns curving up menacingly. Sif worried her lip at the sight.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Sure as anything,” the Trickster told her. Not that that made things any better. He took a rope from the wall and tested its strength before carefully approaching the goat, which seemed to notice that Loki was Up To Something. Before the animal could charge or back away however, Loki managed to whip the rope around its neck, securing it tightly but safely.

Sif frowned. “Who are we pranking anyway?” she asked. “And what do we need a goat for.”

Loki turned to look at her then, his beaming smile causing her heart to flutter. Loki’d had that power over her for a few years now, and Sif had admitted this to him. She wasn’t the type to go out of the way of anything, including feelings, preferring to face them head-on. Loki had retreated from the conversation then however, telling her he needed to process things. He wasn’t used to being the centre of someone’s attention, was unsure of how to handle it. They had decided to continue as friends and let the rest run its course.

But as Loki smiled at her, Sif couldn’t help but want to be nearer to him, touch him, feel the air directly around him crackle with excitement. Instead she respectfully kept her distance and let him speak.

“We’re pranking _me_.”

That managed to crack her up. “You? But you know what you’re going to do! That’s not how pranks work!”

Loki once again waved away her protests. “Semantics,” he told her as he started tying the loose end of the rope into a similar looping knot as the one he had the buck tethered with, except smaller. “My prank, I get to make the rules.”

And before Sif knew what was happening, Loki had dropped his trousers and pulled out his… well, _little Loki_.

Not that it was that little. Sif could know. She had a first-seat look. Feeling herself blush for the first time in what must have been years, she couldn’t help but stare before quickly raising her gaze to the safe, knob-less ceiling.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she heard Loki fumble around with the rope. His answer had her horror-struck.

“Tug-of-war.”

“ _With your knob!?_ ”

Loki laughed as if he had not a single care in the world. “Call it a metaphor for those asshats at training,” he told her. “Ready?”

“No,” Sif answered, but then she realised he was talking to the goat. Of course he was.

A yelp brought her gaze back down to find Loki’s eyes practically bulging out of his head, his heels dug into the dirt that covered the floor. His hands were raised high, showing her that he was, in fact, doing this purely with the strength of what was between his legs.

“You know, this seems highly unnecessary!” she pointed out desperately, but Loki just cackled triumphantly.

“On the contrary! It’s cheering you up, isn’t it?”

“This really isn’t how I imagined seeing your… bits for the first time,” Sif muttered.

“That’s not a no.”

“Norns give me strength…”

Loki gave an almighty roar, and the goat actually _stumbled_.

“You know what, this is madness,” Sif laughed. “Seriously, I think this is the most absurd thing you’ve ever done.”

“Oh, but is it madness?” Loki asked, wriggling his eyebrows, keeping as straight a face as he could with his privates tied to a goat.

“Yes!”

“Not if I’m winning.”

And with a cry that cut through Sif’s soul, he tumbled backward, causing the poor buck to fly forward. Loki stood triumphant for about 0.5 seconds before he realised his mistake. With widening eyes he had to roll sideways to avoid the goat that was hurling towards him, but this only caused the animal to change direction.

Sif meanwhile found herself buckled with laughter, wheezing for breath as she watched Loki now desperately try to find a way to stay out of the goat’s path long enough to untether himself. It was only more difficult because his trousers were still around his ankles. In the end he panicked and transformed into a tiny grass snake, slipping through the rope’s loop with ease and quickly slithering off into the hay, leaving the goat disoriented and a very goatish look of confusion on its face.

He popped up again besides Sif moments later, thankfully fastening his breeches. Sif was crying by now, to which Loki only smiled. One should think she should be more worried for his welfare, but nothing could beat his face when being faced with receiving a goat in the gonads.

“Told you it’d cheer you up,” Loki spoke proudly. Sif rolled her eyes, finally able to catch her breath a little as the two settled back into the hay. His hand had already found hers, and she was squeezing it for dear life. There was no way she was letting him go.

“You know, you could also have orchestrated for one of the guys from class to be on the receiving end of that rope,” she pointed out. “It would’ve saved your privates a lot of stress.”

“And it would’ve gotten us both in trouble,” Loki pointed out.

“Since when do you care about that?”

“Since it means you receiving an even harder time at training.”

Sif smiled softly at that. She would’ve been able to take the hardship, she was sure, but Loki’s concern was touching.

“And besides,” he continued, “revenge was never the end goal here.”

“No?” she raised an eyebrow at him, and he flashed a smile in return.

“Nope,” he replied smartly. “The goal was to cheer you up. And I managed that, didn’t I?”

She smiled back at him, and before he could say another word, she pressed her lips against his. Every little care and worry, every bit of innocence he regained for her, made her feel nothing but pure elation. Her body lit up, heart beating like mad, as he let out a little huff of surprise, his breath grazing her mouth before he returned the kiss, fingers entangling in her hair. She could feel hay poke into her sides, but her focus was on him.

When he eventually leaned back with a groan, his smile was pure and genuine.

“Glad to be of service, my Lady.”

They lay there for a few more moments before he spoke again.

“I think I need to see a healer.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come stalk me on [tumblr](https://queer-crusader.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
